king nothing

i was about 12 years old when i decided to become the most intelligent person on the whole planet. i knew the trick: doing nothing. thinking nothing. not thinking. thinking: “no, i won’t think”. the key was accumulation; not inheritance. you rarely came across issues worth thinking about in this life. just a little patience, and everything went away. every pain. every joy. every seemingly lasting moment. everything. they went away. you just had to learn to be a little patient —and that i did. i stopped reacting to worldly affairs; and since there was nothing but wordly affairs in this world, i practically. just. stopped.

i started storing up my intelligence. maybe i could find a reason then, and a will to live based on that reason, when i gathered the necessary amount —how much that may be. people were draining their precious brain energy by contemplating about useless things. the meaning of life —like there was one, and you could find it even if there were. death. sports. the weather. the traffic. the annoying neighbour. the late bus. the early bus. the on-time bus. and cars with their leather chairs and houses with their mortgages and friends with their constant need for attention and men with their egos and women with their boobs…  …well actually, boobs are okay i guess. they don’t use up much energy to think about. their image is kinda hardwired into the brain. in fact, they are the manifestation of a resting brain: it’s exactly when you are not thinking that they pop up in your head. i think about them all the time! well, not think about them… but i digress.

like i said, i was 12 and i had a plan. with a few ground rules: first rule was to not think about the plan. ever. i was not to think about how on earth i was gonna be able to not think about things. that’s thinking too, you know. so it was forbidden to think about it. or anything else for that matter. that was the first rule. second rule was… well, there was no second rule because i couldn’t think of anything. no: i didn’t think of anything. on purpose. yeah.                 also, i’m not sure about the third rule. it was something about boobs though, i think. no, i dont thi… whatever.

i owe my cerebral vigor to my cognitive inertia. you may not see it, ‘cause like i said, i don’t use it. i’m waiting for my time.